Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Trevor Noah: "Fox News Condemning Donald Trump — That Is Like Doing Something So Bad That Your Own Dog Takes Off Its Collar And Just Walks Away In Disgust"

Late Night Stuff, Monday, May 18, 2020

Barack Obama gave a virtual commencement address last weekend: "More than anything, this pandemic has fully, finally, torn back the curtain on the idea that so many of the folks in charge know what they're doing. A lot of them aren't even pretending to be in charge." ... Donald Trump then called Obama "grossly incompetent" and Karl Rove said Obama's comments were a "political drive-by shooting".

Trevor Noah:
Isn't it crazy how Obama never even had to mention Trump by name? Like, that's how you know you've screwed up, when someone could just say, "People have no idea what they're doing," and everyone is like, "That's Trump. That is Trump." Even Trump is like "That's me, totally me." ... [Doing impression of Rove] Yes, what Obama did there was a political drive-by shooting. He really crip-walked all over America's norms. I mean, this was not the time for a rap battle. Because this is Donald Trump's movie, and Obama is talking loudly during it. What a black day in American history.
Seth Meyers:
After former President Obama criticized the U.S. response to the coronavirus pandemic in a virtual commencement address to college graduates this weekend, White House adviser Peter Navarro called the Obama administration a "kumbaya of incompetence". Incidentally, "Kumbaya" is where Trump thinks Obama was born.
Now while most people are waiting for a vaccine, there are some people who think we might not even need one. People like Eric Trump, fetus in its 100th trimester and the president's fourth favorite son. ... Now according to Eric, this whole coronavirus thing is a conspiracy to prevent his dad from doing big campaign rallies. I'm sorry, man, this makes no sense. Donald Trump is the president. So if he thinks coronavirus is all just a bunch of hype and he should be able to do a rally, then my man, go and do a rally. I swear, Trump is the most powerful least powerful person in the world. [Trump impression] "I want to do a rally but I can't, because the doctors will get mad at me." ... And by the way, we all know coronavirus is not a Democratic plot. Because if corona was a Democrat, it would have found a way to lose weeks ago.
Late Night Stuff, Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Jimmy Kimmel:
Remember that drug he had high hopes for and then they did some studies and found that it did not help Covid patients and, in fact, made them more likely to die? Well, yesterday, Donald Trump announced that he's taking it. ... You have to hand it to Trump — just when you think he can't get any crazier, he starts popping F.D.A.-disapproved drugs and telling everyone else to try it, too. ... Our president is a hydroxymoron. ... Even other idiots are going, "Don't be an idiot."
And the side effects can potentially include agitation, insomnia, confusion, mania, hallucinations, paranoia, as well as lasting psychiatric and neurological symptoms, so either Trump's lying about taking it, or he's been taking it for 73 years.
Last night, Neil Cavuto of Fox News had the temerity to warn his viewers that this miracle drug is not recommended. Trump saw that and wrote, "@FoxNews is no longer the same. We miss the great Roger Ailes. You have more anti-Trump people, by far, than ever before. Looking for a new outlet!" "The great Roger Ailes", by the way, is a man who was accused of sexually harassing at least 20 women who work for him before being forced out of Fox News and dropping dead.
Ah, yes, the great Roger Ailes, the famous creep who oversaw a culture of paranoia and sexual harassment at Fox News that led to him getting fired by liberal snowflake ... let's see ... Rupert Murdoch.
This is so surreal — Fox News condemning Donald Trump. I mean, this is like doing something so bad that your own dog takes off its collar and just walks away in disgust.
Noah wins these two nights in a cakewalk, but Kimmel was tops last Thursday.

First, after a bit about breakfast cereal, he used a "President Honeycombover" reference to segue into Dr. Rick Bright's testimony before a House subcommittee about how the Trump administration failed to listen to early warnings about the coronavirus:
This was a scary hearing today. Dr. Bright warned us that the window is closing to address the pandemic. And, you know, unless that window is a drive-through window at KFC, there's no way Trump's even going to bother. Bright said if we don't get our act together, the United States could be headed for "the darkest winter in modern history". The good news is, it sounds like he's saying we might make it to winter. ... [Trump video clip: "I don't know him, I never met him, I don't want to meet him, but I watched him and he looks like an angry, disgruntled employee who frankly, according to some people, didn't do a very good job"] That's right — "I don't know him, never met him, don't know anything about him, but he sucks." At this point, does Donald Trump have any "gruntled" employees?
And on Friday, Kimmel offered a wonderful tribute to the late Fred Willard:

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