Monday, April 13, 2020

Stay Informed With America's Finest News Source


allan said...

Timeline Of Trump Administration's Response To Coronavirus
January 24: Trump posts first tweet about the coronavirus, daring it to provoke the powerful U.S. military.
January 30: World Health Organization sows mass confusion by contradicting Trump's statement that everything fine.
January 31: Trump adds quick few lines about coronavirus to China travel ban already sitting on desk.
February 6: Administration turns down tests from WHO because then we'd have to get them something and it would turn into a whole thing.
February 20: Trump admits outbreak worsened in large part due to Obama still being president.
February 27: Iran sanctions working like magic as nation's death toll climbs.
March 9: Team of advisors spend hours explaining concept of paid sick leave.
March 13: Anxious nation soothed at Rose Garden press conference by mere sight of Target CEO.
March 14: Trump declares threat over after testing negative.
March 15: Reports reveal Trump attempted to bribe German scientists to create vaccine that only works on white people.
March 17: Trump announces corporate relief plan that bills every American adult $1,000.
November 2: First sign of slight economic recovery results in Trump's landslide reelection.

laura k said...

Thanks for the Onion roundup. Where's that laugh/sob emoji when you need it.